When your job revolves around driving to locations that you have never been to before and may never go to again, you quickly come to grips with the benefits of modern technology. There is nothing that has been more helpful in these travels than the purchase of my GPS. If you need to know how far you are from a gas station, you can find out. If it does not seem like there is a chance that you will ever see a restaurant again, you got it. If there is a detour that you should take due to construction, weather, or a T-Rex on the loose-BOOM!-dinosaur avoided. They provide every bit of information that you need short of how many dead animal carcasses that you will pass or crush on your way.
However, there is always the possibility of user malfunction (which is a nice way of saying ‘not paying attention). There was the time that I added two hours to my trip by not watching the screen. Then there are times that I end up in places because I have not recently updated the device. To be clear, no matter how perfect the plan, it is highly possible that we will mess up.
Monday, my GPS kept recalculating how I would arrive at my desired destination after I had missed the initial turn recommended (and the numerous 3’ X 3’ signs with HORNS CREEK RESORT written above an arrow pointing the proper direction). After taking multiple gravel roads, a couple of dirt roads, and two dead ends, I thought I would just wing it. I drove down yet another gravel road that was about the width of 3/4ths of my car. In a world of Escalades, Armadas, and Navigators, I have to be clear-I drive a 2001 Honda Accord. My expectations of the size of this road are far from grandeose.
I did everything possible to make sure that I did not run off of the road completely-I sang ‘Keep it Between the Lines’ and ‘Jesus Take the Wheel’. Eventually, I came to a sign marked ‘Private Property’ with a lot of smaller writing that I did not have the time to read (but, am quite sure in retrospect, said something about my ensuing death).
I noticed two things: An opening head of me where I could turn around and a curious Pitbull-ish canine trotting around a shaggy-headed, beady eyed, little boy.
Based on my calculations, the world is made up of two types of kids: Cute ones and creepy ones(If no one has ever told you that your kid is cute-sorry). This little corn-field dweller eyed me intently as I drove into an opening about three yards behind where he was standing. When I turned my car around, his hand was extended towards me to thoroughly communicate, “stop.” Due to the overall creepiness of the situation, I interpreted “stop” as “hey!” I drove by him and waved.
This is where it gets weird. As I drove by, I heard a voice that was far too deep for his eight year old frame say in a deep, gravelly, hissing snake-style voice, “I SAID STOP!!!” I looked in my rear-view mirror and he was waving his hand towards me, unleashing the pit-bull to pursue my Honda.
As the dog snapped at my bumper, I looked to my left and to my right and noticed an assortment of canines joining him in the chase. There was a collie, a chow that kept running into my car, something that resembled a wolf, and a wiener dog with its tongue flapping in the wind.
I floored it (which means I got over 70 mph), leaving the dogs and the boy in the background. My heart was beating as if I ran 70 mph. I am certain my GPS said something to the effect of ‘Huh?!?’
Were the dogs going to tear me limb from limb if they caught me? Probably not.
Were the dogs really obeying the voice of this kid? I’m quite certain.
Was a grown man a totally creeped out by said kid? Absolutely.
However, there is always the possibility of user malfunction (which is a nice way of saying ‘not paying attention). There was the time that I added two hours to my trip by not watching the screen. Then there are times that I end up in places because I have not recently updated the device. To be clear, no matter how perfect the plan, it is highly possible that we will mess up.
Monday, my GPS kept recalculating how I would arrive at my desired destination after I had missed the initial turn recommended (and the numerous 3’ X 3’ signs with HORNS CREEK RESORT written above an arrow pointing the proper direction). After taking multiple gravel roads, a couple of dirt roads, and two dead ends, I thought I would just wing it. I drove down yet another gravel road that was about the width of 3/4ths of my car. In a world of Escalades, Armadas, and Navigators, I have to be clear-I drive a 2001 Honda Accord. My expectations of the size of this road are far from grandeose.
I did everything possible to make sure that I did not run off of the road completely-I sang ‘Keep it Between the Lines’ and ‘Jesus Take the Wheel’. Eventually, I came to a sign marked ‘Private Property’ with a lot of smaller writing that I did not have the time to read (but, am quite sure in retrospect, said something about my ensuing death).
I noticed two things: An opening head of me where I could turn around and a curious Pitbull-ish canine trotting around a shaggy-headed, beady eyed, little boy.
Based on my calculations, the world is made up of two types of kids: Cute ones and creepy ones(If no one has ever told you that your kid is cute-sorry). This little corn-field dweller eyed me intently as I drove into an opening about three yards behind where he was standing. When I turned my car around, his hand was extended towards me to thoroughly communicate, “stop.” Due to the overall creepiness of the situation, I interpreted “stop” as “hey!” I drove by him and waved.
This is where it gets weird. As I drove by, I heard a voice that was far too deep for his eight year old frame say in a deep, gravelly, hissing snake-style voice, “I SAID STOP!!!” I looked in my rear-view mirror and he was waving his hand towards me, unleashing the pit-bull to pursue my Honda.
As the dog snapped at my bumper, I looked to my left and to my right and noticed an assortment of canines joining him in the chase. There was a collie, a chow that kept running into my car, something that resembled a wolf, and a wiener dog with its tongue flapping in the wind.
I floored it (which means I got over 70 mph), leaving the dogs and the boy in the background. My heart was beating as if I ran 70 mph. I am certain my GPS said something to the effect of ‘Huh?!?’
Were the dogs going to tear me limb from limb if they caught me? Probably not.
Were the dogs really obeying the voice of this kid? I’m quite certain.
Was a grown man a totally creeped out by said kid? Absolutely.
